becoming a private school girl

so at the beginning of this year I moved schools. it wasn’t because I was bullied or had no friends or anything like that, it was simply because I was bored of my old school.

you see, I used to go to an all-girls collage which, at the start was great! I was so excited to be leaving all the gross boys from my primary school behind, and in fact I loved going to a single sex school for the first three years.

Year 7,8 and 9 were a breeze. although I was given a huge shock at the beginning adapting to the workload, size of the school and the challenge of making friends I felt comfortable in an all-girls environment to grow up, mature, find myself and generally just develop on my journey to becoming a woman.

the main thing that I loved about being at a single sex school was the comfortability that I felt with my grade. everyone knew their place. I didn’t care what people thought of me. everyone knew each other really well. I had a group of close friends that supported and guided me. and finally I had nothing to be self-conscious about.

this positivity and love for school began to go downhill in year 9 when my group began to split, become bitchy and hang out with a boys group from another school. for the next year and a half there were continuous fights amongst sub-groups within our big group. this became tiring and a major effort for me because I was good friends with both the groups, and while they didn’t like each other they both liked me and I liked both of them. my bestfriend Eliza and I essentially became the glue that held everyone together.

I had always planned on moving to a co-ed school when I got to year 11 and after such a long period of friendship issues and bad teachers I couldn’t wait to leave. My best friend, however, was dreading my leaving her and at the very last moment she decided she would move schools too. only we didn’t go to the same new school.

I arrived at my new school at the begging of this year as a fresh faced senior. I was eager to make new friends, meet some hot guys, go to parties and start a fresh with my learning. going into school I only knew 3 boys from primary school, but I hadn’t talked to them since, and 1 other girl from my school moved across as well, only we weren’t friends and I didn’t intend on becoming friends.

at the beginning it was hard. like I mean HARD! I never realised the confidence that you need to move schools and was constantly faced with the challenge of talking to strangers and engaging in flowing conversation. for the first few weeks I was really just trying to find my feet. there were just so many changes from my last school to this one- this was co-ed, my old grade only had 80 people while this had 350, my old school was really small and this was massive!!

luckily for me I had some help from one of the boys that I knew from primary school, John. John is one of the sweetest and nicest boys that I have ever met. but he’s like my brother, so nothing would be happening there!! haha

over the past few months I have changed groups A LOT, met heaps of new people, been in fights, made some people that I will be friends with forever and finally settled down into a group. my group only consists of girls, which in some ways is good, but in others bad.

since moving schools I feel like I have gained a lot of confidence in interacting with others but I have lost so much in myself. I don’t think that anyone really seems to notice but in the past couple of weeks especially I have.

I am now moving forward into year 12 and hope that my new school continues to supply all the laughs and comforts that it has in this year, and maybe even a boyfriend! 🙂

-B

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drama queen stripped of her crown

Today I woke up, nervous with anticipation and excited to get the results of whether I had gotten into the senior play. You see, at my school getting into the senior play is every year 12 drama students dream, although the number of cast members this year was extremely low and there were quite a number of people who auditioned. I was one of those many.

the results were to be put up at lunchtime and I spent the morning watching the clock and trying to think about something else, although that proved to be harder than expected. I was quietly confident that I would get a role because in the auditions I thought I brought a new and creative aspect to the character that no one else really did.

as the clock ticked down the minutes until we would be dismissed to lunch, I began to feel sick with anticipation. Would I get the part? Would I not get a part? What would it feel like to not get a part, standing around all of those who did? the questions flooded my mind and at the moment of dismissal I slowly pushed myself out of my chair and began to walk slowly to the drama rooms, where the list of cast members had been put up.

Walking over there was like walking into a lions den. I was setting myself up for a situation that could possibly go entirely the wrong way, but I didn’t have a chose. when I got to the piece of paper that would determine my fate I was swamed by others with similar intentions. my eyes scanned the list….

no

no

no

no

no

where was my name? I couldn’t see it? where was my name?!

and finally I found it.

only in that moment I didn’t want to find it. in that moment I wanted to crawl up into a ball and die. in that moment time slowed down… my friends around my celebrated… others were disappointed.

but there it was. my name. on the last page. under “hair and make up”

my stomach dropped. I was not ready for this kind of rejection and quite frankly I didn’t really think I would be put in this situation where I had to hold it together and be the mature and sensible on. good fucking joke that was. inside I was dying of humiliation. I wanted to scream. but I couldn’t. im 17, I cant just go around screaming whenever I don’t get what I want.

before today I thought that I was quite good at drama, but now im really not sure. im second-guessing myself. my confidence is shot. I have always known people that think they are really good at something that they aren’t, but I never thought that I was one of them. could I really be a bad actress? I didn’t know. Hell, I still don’t know!  but I sure feel like that’s the case now.

-B

hello people of the world

I thought I might begin by introducing myself to anyone that might happen to read this… although I don’t suspect that many will. Firstly my name is Bec and in short, I am probably one of the most stereotypical teenage girls that you will ever know… yes, I know.. the fan-girling, the obsessing over boys, the fighting with the family, the embarrassing myself at school.. well everywhere really… and all that jazz.

Basically I decided that I would start this blog to vent some of my feelings, which will hopefully make me more relaxed as I go into my final year of High School.

If you are reading this, idk, I hope that maybe you find it entertaining, have a laugh, can relate to my situations or at the very least learn something from my mistakes.

anyway, enjoy the ride! 🙂

-B